After a few hours of hiking and discussing our experiences in India, we finally engaged in the standard North American identification ritual. "So, what do you do [for work]?" I asked. She mentioned that she was a message therapist. Multiple images of all the message therapists flipped through my mind, followed by various typologies of message therapy. When she asked me what I did, and I said an interculturalist, I had to explain. "Essentially, we help people become more effective in differing cultural circumstances". Being mindful of my tendency for the abstract, I immediately jumped into what I will call here an accountable explanation. I attempted to explain the work by actually working it.
I asked her what cultural difficulties she was finding in India. She mentioned that she hated the pushiness of people. We were eventually able to move it from a characteristic of people to an actual action, which I later found to be the pushing of people while in lines and groups. "Yea they really push here don't they? So, this is an example of a cultural difference I would help people resolve."
The next question she asked, pulled me completely out of the abstract and brought my explanation to full account.
"How?'
My mind raced through various models. What is 'pushing in India' according to the Developmental Model of Intercultural Sensitivity? How could one apply Personal Leadership to pushing? Is pushing related to any factors on the Globe study?
Perhaps it was because I was spending my mornings doing meditation or perhaps it was due to my work with Personal Leadership, but I told her the trick would be to separate the act of someone placing their hand on you and applying gentle force to the thing we call "pushing". Pushing in our culture is a mild act of agression. It is an intentional act used to put someone in place. In fact many fights in the school yard start with pushing and escalate from there. Pushing in India is just something people seem to do while in groups or lines. Old ladies push, kids push, it just happens.
"But how do I separate these two things" she asks me. She was really holding my answer accountable. I felt the legitimacy of the entire intercultural field resting on my shoulders.
"Just start doing it." I answered. I surprised myself with this answer. I was thinking about it while saying it. "Start pushing in lines and see how it feels." I felt I was taking a risk with this answer. How does it relate with my studies or what I have learned in the intercultural field? But the next question would resolve it entirely.
"But I am not in a hurry, I really don't care enough to push" she said.
"That is the answer. Here pushing is not about being in a hurry, or really caring. It is just what you do. When you start pushing yourself, you will train the body to accept this."
HI there. This is such a good story man. Publish it!
ReplyDeleteThorunn
In praise of the theoretical and abstract...
ReplyDeleteI am not here trying to say that there is a wrong or right way to do inter-cultural training, but I think there are a lot of good things about being theoretical and abstract over immediately practical.
So I ask, do they push with their hands or is it rather bumping or having ones body touch another's? Bumping (and even pushing actually) could fall into the theories surrounding 'personal space' which, as I am sure you know, encompasses various forms of touching norms and the distance between people in conversation, etc.
A more abstract discussion could have led directly to a self realization about personal space/touching and the ways in which all cultures differ on this issue. It also would have given her a way to understand the cultural act without having to directly participate in something she was uncomfortable with in order to come to some understanding about it.
I prefer the culture general approach even though it is less immediately practical, mainly because it is somewhat more flexible. If you were more theoretical and moved this discussion toward the personal space/'don't touch me' issue across cultures you could have transcended the immediate context and framed it as a life lesson that could be used in any culture.
This way both "pushy" and "stand-off-ish" could have been brought into the same conversation and the relative nature of the preferences across cultures could have been explored. This leads to the inevitable observation that, in fact, not 'pushing' in a group that 'pushes' is probably mildly disconcerting if not rude to all those around her who expect to have that personal contact with each other as a means of understanding the group dynamic and direction. You know, the whole "you're driving really slow in the passing lane and you don't realize it" conversation.
Although the immediately practical approach is useful, well ... immediately, as a trainer I lean toward providing life-long skills. Maybe that is my bias, though.
-Jon D.
Jon,
ReplyDeleteI figured a message therapist would appreciate a more hands on approach to engaging interculturally.
It was pushing....with hands on! In fact, before I heard Alex's story, I too had my experiences with pushing in Northern India. Women and men sometimes, will put their hand on your back, arm, or shoulder and give a push while you are in line or if they are walking behind you. At first, I would give a sort of glare indicating my annoyance with their impatience and rudeness, or I would just go slower and sort of baracade my position so they couldn't make me go faster....but after it happened so many times I realized that their intention was not hostile, actually it seemed quite innocent, especially during the times after the glare I stopped to look up and see they were smiling and very happy to see me, but continued to push anyhow. I too decided to jump in. For me it was....."well, if you can't beat them, join them". I started pushing like the locals and it felt good and was a way for me to experience the gesture without hostility in a practical manner-which very much helped me to stand in their shoes and begin to break down the reasons behind the pushing. And although I have yet to know for sure the exact purposes of it, it is something I can accept, live with while there, believe it is not hostile, and in turn, not react with negativity myself.
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